i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible

I think my larger frustration (that's just now occurring to me) is he tends to be the one to bring it up, and I'm tired of talking about it. I need to remember that I can change this if I stick to my counseling. Then all of a sudden, he shouted something in a very exasperated tone (I don't remember what he said) and violently turned in my direction. But if you were to put a guy into the aggressor position in this story, then people would say the relationship would be doomed to spiral into an abusive cycle, and the woman should leave. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. But I can't help it but this morning I woke up feeling very guilty, depressed and embarrassed I slapped him. That means those reported numbers are simply conservative efforts and only somewhat indicative of the problem at hand. I don't think that should be your worry. WRONG! She would be told that if he did it once, he'll do it again, and not to feel safe around him. To you, it was just a slap. He accepts responsibility for that situation. This guy crossed the line by pushing and slapping you. Getting an ex back after you have misbehaved yourself and dumped him can become very complicated. It's your boyfriend's choice to forgive you. Label the action and let them know you saw its impact. I had to get a permission slip from my incarcerated creepy food delivery guy keeps calling me. I don't know if I should be acting like what he did was justified, because I slapped him. He verbally abused you, obstructed your passage of escape, and physically assaulted you with the initial shove. I wish I could reach out to you. It sounds like a huge over reaction. I'm embarrassed because that's such a childish way of thinking but I think that fairly accurately describes my feelings in the heat of the moment. I found out he was text messaging another girl while we were trying to "work on things" between us. Older sibling? Coming back with his hat in his hand, with apologies and working to resolve the situation so it doesn't happen again is how someone who cares about you reacts. Violence begets violence. Far too many perpetrators think that the violence they have committed is okay, that they have not done anything wrong. It can occur within a range of relationships, including married couples, living together, or dating. I guess getting some books and maybe going to an anger class. The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. I just feel extremely guilty and I never want that to happen again. Your boyfriend might forgive you after talking it out and want to keep the relationship going. This will definitely help you keep your mind off of him. She said that she didn't want to sacrifice all this because of her rashness. There are many common instances where domestic violence occurs, either in boyfriend or girlfriends or husbands and wives. Also, he might be afraid of what he might do if you hit him again. Ice queen If this is as it seems, if it were me, I'd be glad he did me the favor of leaving and would add "cares about my feelings" and "able to compromise on problem resolution" as "must haves" for future boyfriends. So, just let it go. Seeking to change, regardless of how tough it actually ends up being, is an essential step. This is an important first step as most of the victims and perpetratorsdo not seek help. Though the reported one in nine men being abused statistic mentioned above is certainly higher than anyone would hope, it is difficult to assume that these statistics can be accurate. Like, we were acting as if the hours before hadn't happened. He hurts too. I was so hurt, upset and angry and before I knew it I was digging my nails into his arm until I drew blood and then I punched him twice in the head. He started, you got angry, he got angrier, he has physical strength that trumps yours. Take pictures of your injury and go get it documented at a hospital as well. This is because emotions can run high when a breakup occurs. And make it permanent. It a little birdie will tell him one way or another. The most important thing is to learn from your mistakes and prevent any domestic abuse from ever occurring in the first place if you're not in this situation. Sounds like an incredible toxic relationship. Susan dispatched the letter Jimmy and decided not to bother him or have any contact with him at all for some time. You've raised a lot of very good questions for me to consider. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. You acted like this from him laughing at you what are you going to do when he starts going out on dates with other women. The stranger should've told him to blip off and if he hit you they'd call the cops. It's horrible when we lose control and really screw things up. My boyfriend has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel weird about it? He may even become jealous of you because to them it appears that you have moved on and you simple don' want them anymore. Getting her ex back was primordial to her, but how could she do this without losing face? So the other night when he left me, I stewed all night and the following day in my anger. Everytime we get into an argument he leaves me for the night and goes to his parents. What happens if she gets drunk and something similar happens again? Take photos of your injuries. Started Friday at 11:13 PM, Mel Robbins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Psych2Go posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Tony Gaskins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Yahoo posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, Newsweek posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, The Coolest Part About Jealousy That You NEVER Realized, TikTok mom Jac Woodwell (@jacquelinewoodwell) shared the moving story of meeting her now-fianc on Tinder after the father of her child dumped her while she was pregnant. I don't know what to do. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. Even if there is no possibility of remedying things with a significant other, there is a chance to make things better with oneself. You are using an out of date browser. My boyfriend agrees- there's no other physical, emotional, or sexual abuse happening. You have now become the person they want and not the person they once brushed off. By You should both make this over for good. Have you ever just felt like you wanted to rewind your life and start a day or night or week over and do it all differently? These reverse psychology tips will help you get your ex boyfriend to pay attention you instead of just brushing you off. Domestic violence is a serious issue that continues to plague society. I have a set of Hardcore field tested techniques which are guaranteed to bring your ex lover back no matter how hopeless your situation might be. You'll encounter no pity from me. Not only that but if he still has feeling for you then he will start to miss your presence. Some use violence as a response to a significant other who is not listening. The Hotline website has a page that can help you find local resources. you put your hands on my first!" Relationship Advice Forum for Men and Women, Hosted by Mimi Tanner. You don't want to miss this - Click Here, ---------------------------------------------------. He had been very hurt because Susan had not trusted him and had not even discussed things with him. He made me angry and upset, and now hasn't spoken to me in two days, should I reach out? When she next met Jimmy she was very kind to him. Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends. The goal has to be clear: never again. Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. Trust me this beats staying locked up in your room all depressed and lonely night after night forcing your self to put the telephone back down. After that I went to talk to some friends. In the period when you come back together, reinstating trust becomes the most important component. I broke up with my boyfriend and I feel awful - I feel guilty for breaking up with him. While it certainly is not excusable to be violent with your significant other in any situation, recognizing what you have done can be the important first step towards resolving the situation. I feel horrible. Men are abused far more than general perception would have you believe. Now, he is getting REALLY angry. Even if your boyfriend has done something wrong, which seems to be a justification of violence, it is never okay to strike someone. Do you believe that dead relatives can reach out to you in your dreams? I slapped my boyfriend and he slapped me back. Is it OK to slap my boyfriend? Every time. In Other Words: "My Boyfriend Slapped Me". For those seeking to remedy their past behavior, it is important to know that this behavior doesnt necessarily mean that a person is toxic and cannot be helped. Maybe after time and therapy you guys can start fresh again, but at this point, your relationship is tainted. Why does he leave for the night when you fight? Long story short. You might even think, "I love my boyfriend, I don't hit my boyfriend, but I regret my angry outbursts." I'm not trying to blame you and don't want you to be trying to find a way that this is your fault, I'm just trying to cover the bases so I know I'm getting an accurate picture. Both my boyfriend and I have independently done a lot of reading on domestic violence and abuse since the incident. He comes back not apologetic or wanting to talk, he saunters in with a smug smile. I want to throw this out there that if OP was a slapped by her boyfriend just one time in the heat of an argument, everyone would be telling her to get out of the relationship. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. And yes, I am very remorseful. I hit my boyfriend. I have no history of anger issues. I'm betting there are times you feel like a fight is coming even though there's no issue. If there are things you need from the relationship, now is the time to make those clear. Those are horrific ways to treat other people and never something I would do to a significant other. I don't even get angry when I drink- and I don't get drunk often. Although we're conditioned to "do something" about a problem (like breaking up with our boyfriend), the best solution is often to go inside yourself and learn what's really going on. Everyone deserves a happy and healthy relationship. Whether or not you mean to be violent becomes irrelevant as emotions take hold. Unfortunately, I feel like you've really hit on it here. In contrast, intimate partner violence happens between two intimate people. This can be something of a tricky step as many boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives have committed to going back on it. Coupons arent couponing like they used to. She had incredible severe bruising on her wrists, cheekbones, ribs, and a bleeding lip. I want whats best for him and I think that means not being with me. I would keep doing what you are doing and focus on getting yourself healthy. He deserves so much more than me and no one should stay in an abusive relationship. Two minutes later he apologizes for raising his voice, and I give him an attitude and say "ok". Keep your accountability intact so your husband knows that you are willing to make needed changes. No, I wish it was. It shows regret and a desire for change. Ok. I know, I'm very lucky I didn't get arrested, but maybe I should have. That's too old to lose control like that. To think of him never returning hurt her considerably, the thought of losing him forever was very painful for her. So for your own sake; do not go near him, contact him, or even think about going back to the relationship. I'm also betting there are times you're walking on eggshells because you can feel a fight coming up and no matter how you respond to him or act towards him, you always choose the wrong answer, always do something wrong that sets him off. What do I do now? For those looking to change their actions and prevent a repeat of the violence, this is an essential question. Do not engage in any way, period. Which of course I will definitly be there for her in any way I can, however I'm scared on how I'm going to be able to handle this all by myself. Anne Marquet as a future MD, I've seen many bad relationships. I want this to stop, I want to change myself and maybe I need something drastic to do so. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. I've never thrown or hit an inanimate object out of anger before. I don't understand it. I have not been depressed recently (actually, he has). It's amazing to me that he forgives me. Immediately following it, he was incredibly forthcoming, volunteered information, and generally made it clear how honest and dedicated he was to the relationship. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. And it went left from there. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. This is an absolute must read for you, visit: Ex Back Guide. I completely understand why he needs space and doesn't want to be with me. You don't try to strong arm ( or slap arm ) a guy into doing all you want; and if you do, well, alas, eventually there's a price to pay . Your long term strategy needs to be to get out of that relationship. There was a car on both sides of our car, and they were kind of prohibiting us from leaving (doors open, people standing behind our car.) The difference in size and strength between her and me is the same as a large man vs me. I think a lot more information is needed. I hate to do this to you, but there are a few more questions I need to ask. After he hit me he immediately apologized, but said I was partly at fault because I had taunted and belittled him. , that it's a no-no. But the misconception that women are the only ones facing this abuse is just that: a misconception. Get yourself in therapy, read books on anger management, learn to control yourself. When it's great it may be great, but the negative are continually taking a toll on you and are making you less than you were before. To the others posting here, just because she feels bad about it doesn't make her not an abuser. Im 25 and just experienced something similar. When he finally came back, he walked in extremely carefree like there was no issue at all and then expected me to not be upset about it. Understanding that what you did is wrong is the first step towards making certain that those violent actions do not happen again. When I was bad as a kid my parents used to spank me and stuff, sometimes with a wooden spoon on bare skin, but never did I witness them hitting each other and I had never been punched or slapped myself. I just want to know why I'm a 26-year old woman who has my whole life together except for this one area. To be brief: we were both drunk, which was clearly a terrible time for us to discuss some infidelity that happened on his end way earlier in our relationship (something that we are still recovering from somewhat, but can generally speak and share about it in communicative and respectful terms), emotions ran high, and I slapped him out of hurt and anger. Please help me. livestock auction prices near me Copy and Paste Love Paragraphs for Lovers. Yes, I'm in counseling to deal with this as well as just controlling my emotions in general. Time slowed to a crawl. I'm not an angry person. Men will often not report abuse because they feel embarrassed or emasculated by being in an abusive relationship. He ended up crying saying he felt bad about what he did in the car, I asked him to leave, he did. It was still no acceptable reason for me to lash out and hurt him. Content/Trigger Warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include types of abuse & violence which could potentially be triggering. Your boyfriend is likely verbally/emotionally abusive. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. These are not the actions of someone who cares about you. Edit: I also want to note that I made a point of apologizing profusely. Get into therapy. And I know you do not want to hear it, but the time to leave when physical violence enters a relationship on either side is the first time. I stood there in shock whilst he was shouting "OH YOU TALK ABOUT EQUALITY SO YOU DESERVE IT" I shouted back saying "I don't care" and started to walk off crying whilst he was still shouting behind me. The first thing that Susan decided to do was to write a long letter and apologies to Jimmy. They are not equal, they are better-than. I told him to go home and to stop talking to me because it's 2am and we are in public and i didn't want to get more angry than I already was. Flashback: Lisa Marie Presley & Christina Aguilera back in 06, African Queens: Njinga | Official Clip | Netflix, Jacqueline Laurita aka JacDaniels exposes Melissa Gorga in IG comments"shes a liar & manipulator", Netflix 2023 Film Slate Unveiled: Luther: The Fallen Sun, The Mother, Extraction 2, Heart Of Stone, The Killer, Rebel Moon & Others Get Pr, Docuseries Chronicling the Rise of Black Twitter Coming to Hulu. Kinda smacks of a total lack of respect an uncaring behavior, don't you think? If he's willing to offer you the same conditions, then your conversations will be more honest and productive. Old thread and OP has never returned. I hate when he tells me to shut up (when we fight), but I wanted to be the bigger person, so I just laid back and sat in silence. There is no theory under which it is ever acceptable or alright for a man to lay his hands on a woman. This has been a huge issue for me as I'm relating it to abandonment and distrust in him. What does he do/say when he gets "extremely angry"? He knew nothing of a rumor that concerned him. You choose the wrong answer/wrong action because no matter what you chose he was going to blow. jessb86a The abuse persists, and both parties try to find reasons why it happened and why it is okay to ignore it and move forward. Abuse is trauma, and trauma impacts people in a large number of ways. It means always being less than, not an equal. Alcohol And Anger: A Violent Cocktail Mixed By An Angry Drunk, The Effects Of Domestic Violence On Survivors, Partners, And Children, Types Of Domestic Violence Help Out There, Domestic Violence Statistics You Need To Know, The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence And What Its Doing To Help, Understanding Domestic Violence And What It Means For You, Scratching, slapping, kicking, biting, pinching, or punching. Has anyone here loved a man that was bad for you? Far too many apologies happen that arent completely sincere, and it winds up leading to further damage to the relationship as well as further violence. To me in two i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible, should I reach out think that should be acting like he! Never returning hurt her considerably, the thought of losing him forever was very to. The actions of someone who cares about you know, I asked to. You did is wrong is the time to make those clear intimate people people and never something I would to. 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